What’s True for You?
As children, we learn to believe certain things about ourselves, others, and the world based on what authority figures tell us and the stories we tell ourselves. For example, if you ever had a parent or teacher angrily say to you “You’re a bad boy (or girl), or You’re wrong!”, instead of understanding this to mean that you behavior did not please them, you may interpret this to mean that “I am bad, I am wrong.” Other painful core beliefs include I’m unloved, I’m unlovable, People can’t be trusted, Money doesn’t grow on trees (resources are scarce), Women are inferior, Life is a struggle, etc.
These beliefs become internalized and color all of our perceptions and actions. For example, if you subconsciously believe that Life is a struggle, you will focus on struggle, see struggle, and struggle in your life. Certain core beliefs are often passed down through generations and become firmly established in families and entire cultures. If we never question these beliefs, we will act out of them during our whole lives and live much smaller than our possibilities.
In my own life, I can still see the head nun of my grade school shaking her finger at me in anger, the spit coming out of the corner of her mouth and yelling, “you’re a bad boy.” These beliefs were reinforced when I was taught the concept of original sin and every time I had to go to confession. “I’m a sinner, I’m unworthy, I’m a bad person.” When I unintentionally act in ways that create suffering, the script gets triggered automatically. Since I’m a ‘grown up’ now and the nuns are long gone, it’s up to me as an adult to work with the ‘inner child’ who still believes those things.
I’ve found a way to work with these limiting beliefs that is simple and powerful. It is similar to ‘The Work’ of Byron Katie. Since we have held many of these beliefs for most of our lives, it may take conscious effort over time to dislodge them from your psyche and replace them with more accurate and expansive beliefs. The good news is that the more you practice, the faster, easier, and more automatic positive change becomes.